Many of us were raised to be “good”. Good girls. Good employees. Good partners. Good friends. And somewhere along the way, good became synonymous with quiet, accommodating and endlessly available.

So we ask for permission. Permission to leave work 15 minutes early to pick up our children. Permission to take a breather when our emotions are bubbling over. Permission to step back, regroup, or simply exist without explanation.

But here’s a quote worth sitting with:

“It is easier to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission.” Grace Hopper

At first glance, it sounds cheeky or even irresponsible. But dig deeper, and it reveals something important: constantly asking for permission subtly positions your needs as optional, inconvenient, or less important than everyone else’s.

When Asking Becomes Self-Erasure

There’s a difference between being considerate and seeking approval for basic human needs. If you find yourself over-explaining why you need to leave early, apologising for having emotions, or justifying rest as though it’s a moral failing, that’s not professionalism or kindness — it’s self-abandonment. Needing to pick up your children is not a personal favour you’re requesting. Needing a moment to regulate your emotions is not a weakness. Needing time to think clearly is not a luxury. Yet many women feel compelled to package these needs delicately, hoping they’ll be granted — as though someone else is the gatekeeper of our time, energy and wellbeing.

The Hidden Cost of Permission-Seeking

Constant permission-seeking chips away at confidence. It trains others to see you as someone who can be delayed, interrupted or overridden. It also sends a quiet message to yourself: my needs come last.

Over time, this leads to resentment, burnout and emotional exhaustion — not because you’re doing too much, but because you’re doing it while minimising yourself. And the irony? Most of the time, the permission we’re waiting for was never required in the first place.

Choosing Agency Over Approval

This isn’t about being reckless or disrespectful. It’s about recognising when a statement is more appropriate than a request.

  • “I’ll be leaving 15 minutes early today to collect my children.”
  • “I need a moment to gather my thoughts — I’ll come back to this shortly.”
  • “I’m stepping away so I can respond thoughtfully, not reactively.”

These are not acts of defiance. They are acts of self-trust.

Sometimes, yes, you may need to smooth things over later. That’s where forgiveness comes in. But more often than not, you’ll find that the world doesn’t collapse when you take up a little space — and people respect clarity far more than constant apology.

You Don’t Need Permission to Be Human

You are allowed to have limits.

You are allowed to have emotions.

You are allowed to structure your life in a way that works for you.

Stop treating your needs like interruptions. They are part of the deal.

So next time you feel the urge to ask for permission for something reasonable, necessary or deeply human, pause. Ask yourself whether you truly need approval — or whether you’re ready to claim your agency.

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is act first… and stop asking for permission to live your life.